


Cienie Zagubionych

by Vernisee



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angry Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Character Study, Depressed Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Hiding in Plain Sight, Jaskier | Dandelion Has a Past, M/M, Missing Persons, Oblivious Jaskier | Dandelion, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species, Post-Season/Series 01, Sad Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Valdo Marx Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27290962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vernisee/pseuds/Vernisee
Summary: Jaskier has disappeard. No one has seen him or heard from him ever since the beginning of the war with Nilfgaard. Geralt was looking for him everywhere, but there wasn't a single trace of him on the entire Continent. So the Witcher went back to Kaer Morhen with the knowledge that he has to accept the loss. The thing was, accepting the loss appears to be a lot harder that he thought.Or the story of how a certain witcher was looking for a certain bard.
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 36
Kudos: 303





	1. Zacznij od początku

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another story about Jaskier and Geralt, because it seems I really enjoy playing with these two men's feelings. I hope you enjoy! <3

Geralt was brooding. In recent years Ciri has learned that it is nothing out of ordinary. Geralt was a very reticent and introverted person, although Ciri was able to break through the armor of the gloomy Witcher from time to time. She liked to think Geralt simply trusted her enough to sometimes forget about his conviction that he had to cover up his emotion. They went through a lot together, after all. But she also understood that sometimes Geralt needed to be alone in order to gaze in silence at the opposite wall. She learned his moods. She tried to respect the man. Usually she would just leave him with his thoughts, but Geralt has been unbelivable sullen ever since he returned to Kaer Morhen for the winter. It was starting to worry her.

That is why she was currently standing at the threshold of the dining room, biting her lower lip and watching as Geralt stares at the contents of his cup. He had been sitting in this position for several hours now. He was like that yesterday and the day before yesterday too.

She was thinking about making an intervension of some sorts, because the other thing she learned about the Witcher was that he was never asking for help. And like in any other person’s case, there were moments Geralt needed help, all his witchery skills be damned.

To be honest, Ciri was expecting that Geralt's return to the keep will be a joy. After all, in the early spring, Yennefer informed them that the situation on the continent was starting to calm down and that the united forces of the northern kingdoms were slowly but steadily pushing the Nilfgaardian forces behind the Jaruga river. Geralt decided to go and check this information himself. He left Ciri with Vesemir in Kaer Morhen, promising that if he finds out that the war is indeed over, they will travel the Path together the next spring. Ciri couldn’t wait to start her life as a witcher, or at least as someone trained by the witchers and diligently practiced sword fighting all year.

The presentation of her new skills was the first thing she did after Geralt reappeared in the keep. At first she didn’t notice his malaise. She wanted very badly to make him proud and assure him that she is as ready for the road as she can ever be. Geralt watched her efforts attentively and praised her for her accuracy and agility, but Ciri had the impression that his thoughts were in fact somewhere else. Later he gently dismissed her every question about the adventures that had happened to him in the past year. He only confirmed that the war has ended, but he didn’t even look happy about it.

All he was doing ever since was sitting in the corner and brooding. It was frustrating.

Ciri took a deep breath, braced herself and went to the table currently occupied by the grim Witcher.

„What happend on the Path this year?”, she asked confidently as she sat down in front of Geralt.

The Witcher slowly looked up from his cup. For a moment he simply stared at the girl's determined face.

„Nothing”, he threw dismissively and went back to staring into the drink. Ciri assumed that it was ale of dubious quality that Vesemir kept in huge barrels in the cellar.

„It won’t work this time”, Ciri informed him, her voice deadly serious. „I won’t leave until you give me the answer that I consider sufficient. You can either explain yourself or get use to my constant presence. Choose”.

She still could sound like a true royalty when she wanted. After all, she spent years under queen Calanthe’s care. Judging by the look on Geralt’s face, he also had such opinion.

The Witcher sighed heavily. Ciri knew she won this round.

„The war changed the Continent”, he offered reluctantly.

„I know”,the girl tilted her head slightly. „You knew that as well before leaving. Is it really the war damages you saw that caused your mood? I’m sorry, but I doubt that”, she crossed her arms in a challenging gesture.

„People were lost”, Geralt tried again.

„You see people getting killed on daily basis!”, Ciri threw her arms in the air. Getting something meaningful out of the Witcher was truly painful. „I don’t understand how that could affect you… oh”. Ciri shut her mouth, when the realisation finally struck her.

The long silence followed. Suddenly, Ciri wasn’t so eager to get Geralt to talk.

„I decided to find a… person”, he said at last. „Didn’t have time to do that before”, for some reason Geralt sounded like he was trying to make a good excuse. But then, he didn’t look like he believed in that excuse at all.

Ciri didn’t know what to think of that. He has never seen Geralt caring about anyone else except for her and maybe Yennefer. It was obvious though, that the thought of losing this person was making the Witcher really depressed.

„Is this person dead?”, Ciri whispered.

„I… don’t know. Didn’t find him”, he sighed. „Nor any mention of him, which probably means he is indeed dead”.

„Well, maybe he was just hiding from the war, like so many other people. Maybe you’ll find him next year”, she tried to cheer him up.

Geralt smiled sadly, shaking his head slightly.

„He didn’t know when to shut up when his life depended on it. Even if he was hiding, I would have found him”, he sounded so certain of that fact. „I would follow the new song… I heard many new songs in taverns, but none of them was his”.

„Songs? Is he a singer?”, Ciri frowned. „How could you even know which song is his?”

„Believe me, after twenty years the technic of the bard gets into your head even if you desperately try not to hear his gibberish about music”.

„So… we are talking about the bard”, she stated. „And you knew him for a long time”.

„He followed me around. I tried to get rid of him at first, but then got used to him”, Geralt explained.

Ciri watched his face for a while. She didn’t expect to find there what she managed to find.

„You made a friend!”, she squealed clearly excited. The tought of Geralt being friends with a bard, who as a rule should be a loud extrovert, was pretty funny.

„He is not my….”, he suddenly cut himself short. „I guess I did”, he admitted.

„So why wasn’t he with you when you found me?”, Ciri asked. The Witcher immediately became gloomier.

„I made him go away”, he looked down at his cup again. „It’s my fault he’s dead now”.

So we finally hit the root of the problem, Ciri thought. All these days, Geralt tormented himself with remorse, thinking that he had led to the death of his friend.

„You said you don’t really know that he is dead”, she pointed out.

„I also said that there is no other option”, he jabbed. „I looked for him everywhere”.

„What does everywhere mean?”.

Geralt made a sound that proved he was already highly annoyed by this conversation. Ciri knew that in a moment she will probably hear the order to go back to her room. That is wy she was quite surprised when Geralt decided to continue.

„Each place he could possibly go back to”, he explained.

Geralt looked like speaking about that was causing him a physical pain. The last thing Ciri wanted was to torment his guardian even more, but she knew perfectly well that if he won’t find out what happened with his friend, he will worry himself to death. That was one more thing Ciri has learned about the Witcher during her time in Kaer Morhen. As for someone who was constanlty repeating that he has no feelings, Geralt was worrying a lot.

„Maybe there is something you missed”, she suggested.

„I highly doubt that”, he answered. „I knew him better than I know myself”.

„Well, you aid parted for a while. Do you know what he was doing then?”

„No”, Geralt admitted after a pause.

„See”, Ciri brightened visibly. „You could have missed something after all. So, let’s start from the beginning”.

She made herself comfortable on the bench, resting her elbows on the table and chin on her curled hands. The gleam in her eyes made Geralt sure that she would not let it go easily. She wanted to hear the whole story, just like someone else he knew all too well.


	2. Cidaris

Geralt didn’t say it to anyone, but he had the hidden agenda in leaving Kaer Morhen. The thing had been bugging him for a long time and the news about the end of the war gave him the perfect opportunity to finally took some action. He was using the last two years of the turmoil of the war as the excuse, claiming to himself that Ciri’s safety has been the priority. The thing was, he knew once he transported the princess to the Witchers’ keep, the danger disappeared. Nilfgaard wouldn’t have found Kaer Morhen. Geralt could just leave Ciri under Vesemir’s care and go out searching. He could have brought the damned fool back with him.

The truth was, he was a coward. He couldn’t face what he has done on the mountain top. So he pretended to be busy. He told himself he was being rational.

Nevertheless, many times he found himself thinking whether Jaskier had managed to hide from the war. Whether he was laying low somewhere safe, waiting for the storm to pass. His mind was running through all possible places where the bard could go. That is why he new exactly where to begin his journey now.

In contrary to the popular believe, Geralt was actually often listening to the bard. He was just choosing not to respond to his babbling. Jaskier’s words about going to the coast and leaving everything behind for a little while were imprinted on his memory. So that was where he headed first.

He was hoping that after the fiasco with the dragon hunt, the bard decided to to fulfill that whim of his. That the war caught him there, on the shore of some beach and he decided to stay there. Even with his reclessness, the bard surely wouldn’t chase after soldiers in order to get some material for a new ballad. Or at least Geralt did not suspect him of that huge stupidity.

On the other hand, Jaskier did follow the Witcher straight into danger for over twenty years and no monster could scare him off for good. Would it be so strange for him to tail after war?

No. Geralt shouldn’t follow that trace of thoughts. Jaskier was safe and sound for sure. Geralt will find him, apologize to him as best as he can and then drag the man to Kaer Morhen. The plan was simple and simple plans worked best.

He changed his mind after driving around the coast for two weeks without catching up any rumors that could suggest Jaskier’s presence in the neighbourhood. He was getting the same answer in every fishing village through which his trail led. There were no bards in there at least since the beginning of the Nilfgaard’s invasion. And even before that troubadours were coming there so rarely, that people would surely remember someone like Jaskier passing by.

Geralt was spending long evenings in their dilapidated taverns anyway, hoping he would hear something useful after all or, what was more possible, hear some of Jaskier’s ballads. Possibly some new ones, which would reassure Geralt that the bard was alive, as well as give him some hints as for what Jaskier was doing and where to look for him.

The lyrics of the song could actually give you a lot of information when you knew how to interpret them. Geralt learned to decode Jaskier’s poetry a long time ago.

His hopes were in vain, though.

At the end he decided to visit Cidaris. Perhaps the port city was not the best place to hide from war, but Geralt didn’t know if Jaskier has been hiding from it in the first place. Besides, the bard was often telling him that the city was beautful. Geralt though it was rather dirty, crowded and loud, but Jaskier liked being around people of all sorts, so there was a chance he was there.

That’s how he ended up squeezing between the stalls of the sea bazar. The pungent smell of sweat and salted fish was teasing his senses. Geralt tried to catch the familiar sounds of the lute from the general noise of shopkeepers shouting over each other incentives to buy their products.

Finally, he decided to catch some peasant.

„Did you see any bards in here?”, he asked.

Geralt winced as he sensed the peasant's fear. It seemed Jaskier’s praises of witchers didn’t reach this place. Or maybe the bard simply decided to change his opinion and started spreading songs about them being heartless monsters. Geralt wouldn’t have blamed him.

„The bard”, the Witcher reminded his question to the the peasant.

„There is a bard”, the man nodded hurriedly. „In the tavern. Two streets away, back there”, he pointed the direction with his finger.

„Thanks”, Geralt muttered and simply started walking. His heart skipped a bit at the thought that in a moment he might finally see his bard.

It wasn’t Jaskier.

Geralt knew that way before he entered the tavern. The lute sounded too sloppy, Jaskier would never play with such an inaccuracy. Maybe the bard’s voice was perfect, but it sounded too flat and was devoided of any emotion.

The Witcher went into the tavern anyway. His eyes immediately fell on the troubadour. The man was surely older than Jaskier. He had long jet black hair and a short beard that showed the first signs of gray. He wore a silk-ruffled cloak and a crooked beret. He didn't seem like someone who used to sing for the peasants.

Geralt ordered an ale and went to brood in the corner.

It wasn’t long before the troubadour moved into his direction. Geralt silently cursed. What was wrong with the bards that they couldn’t understand when a man wanted to sit alone and think in peace?

„Hello, good man!”, the bard started. „I couldn’t stop myself but wonder, aren’t you by any chance the famous Geralt of Rivia?”.

Gerat grunted in a dismissive affirmation. The man smiled brightly.

„I always wondered how the man my dear friend sings about looks like”, that made Geralt’s head snap. Now the troubadour had his full attention.

„You know Jaskier”, the Witcher said, encouraging the man to continue talking.

„Yes, of course!”, the bard sat on the opposite bench. „We used to study together. My name is Valdo Marx, the famous troubadour of Cidaris, at your service. I’m sure Julian had to mention me many times. He always admired my work and silently wanted to be as perfect as me”, he smiled again.

Gerald snarled. So this was the man whom Jaskier wished death. Not real surprising. Bards used to be narcissistic and way too confident. Jaskier wasn’t too humble himself, but this man aready broke some record.

„Yeah, he mentioned you”, the Witcher smirked. He didn’t add that mention was followed by the wish of striking the man down with an apoplexy.

„By the way, is he still travelling with you?”, the bard asked casually.

The Witcher darkened. That probably meant Valdo didn’t hear from Jaskier too.

„We parted a while ago”, the Witcher answered.

He was startled by the sudden eruption of Valdo’s laugher. The man sounded like he just heard the great joke.

„So you have had enough of him too?”, the man asked in between of peals of laughter. The Witcher didn’t like the sound at all. He frowned. „Don’t feel too bad. Julian is a pure delight, but only for a short period of time. You lasted much longer than most people anyway”.

„What do you mean?”, Geralt growled.

„The man is like a lost puppy. He gives you all his attention, but quickly gets on your nerves. You probably know what I mean, he is really annoying. It’s best to just take from him what you want as fast as you can and then send him away”.

It made Geralt’s stomach twist unpleasantly. Sudden flashbacks of all the time he treated his bard with distain were speeding right in front of his eyes. The troubadour’s words explained why the younger man never seemed affected by his harsh words. Valdo was suggesting that Jaskier was used to this kind of treatment. Geralt hated the idea that he was one more person in a long line of people who unceremoniously used and abandoned Jaskier.

„Anyway, you used him for some good, after all. I can’t believe his songs actually improved the opinion on witchers”, the man continued, unafected by the sudden drop of the Witcher’s mood. „It was well played. Now you probably get paid much better”.

Geralt’s blood started to boil. He wasn’t using Jaskier to satisfy his greed. He didn’t care about money. Sure, he was earning much more ever since the bard decided to follow him around, but the Witcher didn’t keep him close for that reason. At first, he wasn’t even sure why he was letting Jaskier to tail behind him, but then his presence became a pleasant constant in his life. He kept the bard, because he wanted to keep the bard.

„What would you say about the partnership?”, the question snapped Geralt back out of his thoughts. „I would repair your reputation further and obviously do that a lot better than Julian. The war reduced my income, kings don’t have time for a music anymore. Even for a music as brilliant as mine. I’m forced to sing for peasants, which is outrageous, don’t you agree?”.

Geralt took a deep breath, but the troubadour didn’t give him a time to react.

„Obviously, that would be only a simple partnership. My mouth are precious, I won’t be using them for anything but singing, unlike Julian. The things he can do with his mouth, though…”, the man smirked nonchalantly.

The Witcher jumped up from his place, his hands curling violently on the other man’s collar.

„What. Did. You. Suggest?”, he growled through the clenched teeth.

„Anyone knows Julian is a male whore”, Valdo replied, rolling his eyes. „You really didn’t use him like that? I assure you, the sounds he makes are lovely. And he is pretty cheap. He actually believes people like him, which gives you the opportunity to try every single dirty thing you ever wanted to do in bed. He agrees to…”, the monologue was cut short by the sound of a fist connecting with Valdo’s nose.

There was a loud crack followed by the scream of pain. Blood splashed from a broken nose onto the table top. Geralt struck two more times, just to be sure that the damage on the man’s face will be permanent. Then, he let go. Valdo crashed to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Geralt slowly lowered to look the man in the eyes.

„If I ever hear you speaking about Jaskier like that again, I’ll make sure you suffer a pure agony”, the Witcher’s voice sounded deadly, his yellow eyes flashed in a warning. Geral thought a moment longer, then added. „Jaskier has a monopoly on songs about witchers”.

Satisfied, he risen up slowly, looking around the tavern as to dare anyone to intervene. No one seemed eager to face a furious Witcher. Geralt slowly took his swords and headed for the exit.

He had to look for Jaskier somewhere else. It seemed he had more damage to repear than he thought.


	3. Oxenfurt

After the encounter with Valdo Marx the anger held Geralt at least for several hours. Initially, the Witcher didn't direct Roach in any particular direction. He just kept on pushing forward, running through all the terrible implications made by Valdo about his bard.

It is not like Geralt didn’t know about Jaskier’s sexual escapades with both women and men. The bard has never hide them, the Witcher often had to listen to the romantic speeches when Jaskier again fell in love with some country girl or a stable boy. It weirdly stung, but the man was usually quickly felling out of love too, so the Witcher simply ignored those speeches and starnge feelings.

What bothered Geralt was that he never suspected that these people were using Jaskier. The bard didn’t deserve that. In all of his brightness and annoyingness Jaskier was honest, real and just plain good. Geralt knew the bard was never using the people he slept with, because for a brief moment he was really in love with them and thus, wanted to give them everything he had.

How many of these people were later laughing behind the Jaskier’s back? Telling each other stories about the naive man ready to fulfill their every wish?

Why Geralt has never intervene?

The Witcher’s hands clutched harder on the reins. Jaskier deserved to receive equally or maybe even more than he was giving to these people. The bard was obviously so much better than any other human being the Witcher has ever met.

He should have killed Valdo Marx. His reputation in Cidaris was rather already destroyed. Jaskier wouldn’t be happy about him ruining his hard work and if he killed a man, then at least his bard’s wish would have come true.

But that would make monster out of him, wouldn’t it? And Jaskier wouldn’t want him to become one, right?

When did he even start looking at himself through the prism of what his bard wanted?

Geralt sighed heavily, allowing his thoughts to switch to another problem he currently had. Even though the very subject of said problem was basically the same.

That was when he took a specific direction, turning back north. If Jaskier did not hide on the coast, then the second best place to look for him was Oxenfurt. The bard spent a good part of his life there. As far as Geralt knew, Jaskier was a student there for several years and then a teacher for a short while. He also used to spent there winters sometimes, taking advantage of invitations to give guest lectures.

As for someone who was making a fool out of himself at every given opportunity, Jaskier was a terribly inteligent man. Sometimes he embarrassed Geralt with his brilliance.

So, Oxenfurt was a good guess. Jaskier had many friedns there. Geralt met a few of them once, when he visited the academy to retrieve his bard after an unexpectedly short winter. The Witcher could just set off to the Path alone, but somehow it didn’t feel right. He convinced himself that the reason was the possible bard's indignation once the man finds out that Geralt has started the journey without him. After all, Jaskier would have followed him later anyway. And he would have found the Witcher without any problems. Geralt still didn’t know how the man manages to track him every single time.

The point was, Jaskier’s friends in Oxenfurt were good people. The bard would have feel safe back there. And during the war people seek safety.

With that thought in his mind, he found himself on the streets of Oxenfurt. He immediately headed for the walls separating the noisy city from the quiet grounds of the university. If anyone was surprised to see a witcher in a place intended for study, no one showed it. Geralt quickly crossed the several small alleys and enterd the main building of the academy.

He looked around, his eyes finally settling on a young woman. She was shyly smiling at the Witcher from her sit behind the counter.

„Can I help you with something, sir?”, she asked.

„I’m looking for someone from Poetry Department, probably”, he had no idea how divisions worked here. „His name is Pankratz”.

The girl frowned. After a while, however, her eyes gleamed with understanding.

„Oh. That friendly man, who gives lectures from time to time?”.

„Yeah. That would probably be him”, he answered, suddenly wondering what hides behind the word „friendly”.

„Well, I didn't see him recently”, she said apologetically. „These hard times scare off our casual workers”, she shrugged.

That didn’t sound good. The Witcher nodded his thanks and headed deeper into the building, leaving a confused woman behind. The fact that she didn’t see Jaskier didn’t mean his closer friends don’t have any information about his whereabouts. He could have hide in their houses, or sent them a note. Everything was possible.

After several dozen minutes of hanging around the academy's corridors, Geralt finally caught a familiar sight of short red hair. Shani was just reprimanding some youngster. Geralt smirked, hearing raised and annoyed voice of a young woman. When she finished, she turned superiorly on her heel, sweeping her green skirt. She almost bumped into Geralt.

„Geralt!”, she shouted in surprise.”What brings you to the academy this time? Did our mutual friend messed something up again?”.

„You could say that”, he confirmed. „It’s nice to see you, Shani”.

„You too, my dear”, she smiled, opening the door to the nearest classroom. „What are you waiting for? We won’t be speaking on the corridor”, she gestured for him to get inside.

Geralt settled on one of the chairs. Shani chosen to lean against the lectern.

„So, what Jaskier did this time?”, she asked.

„I don’t know”, the Witcher aditted. „I’m simply looking for him”.

The young woman frowned in confusion.

„Isn’t he, you know, with you?”.

„We parted before the war”, suddenly looking Shani in the eyes became difficult.

„That’s… That’s two years, Geralt!”.

„I know”, he stated sharply. „I had to take care for some other commitment”.

„And you didn’t even keep tabs on him?”, she asked in disbelief.

„No”, Geralt admitted.

„So why the sudden interest now?”, the girl crossed her arms.

„Shani, please”, the Witcher’s voice sounded weak. „I just want to make sure he’s fine”.

„So very gracious of you”, she huffed.

The room fell silent. Geralt was feeling Shani’s unfavorable and angry look on himself. He knew she considered Jaskier her friend, for which the Witcher was grateful. It was good to know that there is at least one person who cares for the bard.

„Did you hear from him recently?”, Geralt finally decided to ask the most important question.

„No, not since the war”, she shook her head. „Had I knew you dumped him, I would have somehow brought his ass here. But since he always follows you, I thought everything was fine”, she explained accusingly.

Geralt gritted his teeth.

„Are you sure he wasn’t here?”, he tried again.

„I would have known the moment he sets his foot on the academy’s ground!”, she threw her hands in the air. „Rumors here spread faster than light!”.

She had a point. The academic community was a bunch of gossipers.

„So, there wasn’t any rumors about… about his death?”.

„No news about Jaskier at all”, she replied firmly.

That was both good and bad. Good, because there was still a chance that Jaskier was out there somewhere. Bad, because the Witcher had no idea where. At this moment, the bard could be living a happy peaceful life. Geralt hoped for that. At the same time he also knew that the fool had been too much of an adventurer to sit still, which meant he could have been already dead, killed by Nilfgaard in some slaughter and burried anonymously in a mass grave. There was also intermediate option of Jaskier being one of many Nilfgaard’s captives.

Geralt thanked Shani for her time. The girl clearly wasn’t impressed, she kept her lips squeezed into a narrow line, her eyes cold.

The Witcher decided to wander a little more around the city, but all of that was in vain. He got some drunk students to talk, but all he managed to receive was the information about Jaskier being funny but way too strict teacher. The innkeepers were cursing Jaskier's drunk face, complaining about the mess the bard leaves after yet another bar fight. In summary, he got nothing helpful.

Maybe the bard for some reason decided to avoid the university.

No new ballads and no contact with his friends could have actually been a good sign. Jaskier was smart. He had to hear that Nilfgaard is looking for the white-haired Witcher with a little girl. The bard knew about his Child Surprise. He would figure that one out.

He would have also figured out that Nilfgaard probably got an information about the bard, who used to follow said Witcher around. Which would have made Jaskier a target. They would have want him for the information about where Geralt could take the princess. That could have been the reason why the bard stoped singing and why he avoided the familiar places.

Geralt understood he had made a mistake. He was looking for Jaskier exactly in places where Nilfgaard would have looked first. He assumed that the bard would want to wait out the war in a familiar and friendly place. Yet, Jaskier was probably where no one supposed he might have went.

Suddeny, Geralt had a realisation about where that might be.


	4. Lettenhove

Even though Jaskier’s mouth never shut, there are some topics the bard deftly avoids. Geralt didn’t notice that for many years. He didn't know if he should blame that on his own ignorance or if Jaskier's ability to unnoticingly change the subject was simply that good. It was probably a bit of both. One of the forbidden subjects was Jaskier’s origin.

The bard never talked about his family. Once, in the early years of their acquaintance, Geral asked if Jaskier was planning to visit his family during the winter. The Witcher didn't know why that question suddenly appeared on his mind then. Jaskier laughed in a way that suggested nervousness, stated that he had been invited to Oxenfurt, and then neatly jumped to questioning Geralt about what topics he should raise at the lectures this year. The Witcher got lost somewhere between the superiority of the cross rhymes over the even rhymes and the critique of the new syllabic singing trend, immediately forgetting what has caused Jaskier’s frantic monologue.

All in all, for a long time Geralt knew nothing about the bard’s origin. His real name only came to light when they accidentally met some nobleman, apparently somehow connected to Jaskier’s family. The Witcher didn’tknow why the fact that the bard has in fact a different name surprised him. After all, it’s not like people usually name their children after bright yellow flowers. Though, Geralt had to admit, that name descibed the bard perfectly.

The surprising was also the fact that the man who used to follow him on the Path, which included sleeping on the floor and getting dirty with the blood and guts of monsters, turned out to be a fucking viscount. Geralt thought that the bard's penchant for comfortable clothes and luxuries was simply a derivative of his profession. After the encounter with the unknown nobleman the Witcher came to conclusion that Jaskier simply grew surrounded by abundance. Which raised the question of why the younger man had abandoned it all for the difficult road full of dust and dangers.

Unfortunately, Geralt didn’t have the time to find out the reason, because Jaskier literally dragged him away from the nobleman. It turned out that the bard had a lot of strength. Or maybe that was because the Witcher let his guard down a little bit due to his general confusion. Later, the younger man deftly answered all of his questions with very evasive answers. At the end, Geralt had to give up trying to get from the bard any information.

But he noted the name Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove. And now it flashed brightly in his mind.

If Jaskier was so determinated in hiding his origin, then there were probably only a handful of people who would equated the famous bard with the viscount. Which meant that Lettenhove was a safe ground, no one would have thought to look for him there. Even Geralt took an unusually long time to come to such a conclusion.

So now he was entering the land managed by the bard's family. At first glance, it was no different from the surrounding areas. The peasants were taking care of their business, cultivating their fields and grooming their farmyards. The peace surrounding the area was soothing to his nerves. Geralt led Roach deeper into the lands, following directions to the Pankratz residence.

The palace was not very impressive, but well-kept. From the outside it was actually giving the impression of being cozy. The Witcher noticed a boy running around the yard with a wooden sword. The image of young Jaskier playing like that in here flashed in front of Geralt’s eyes. It was weird to think about the man as anything other than the bard he got to know.

The boy stopped dead in his tracks when he realised that someone is coming his way. He watched the child’s eyes slide over Roach all the way up to finally meet the Witcher’s face. The boys blue eyes went wide. Their shape was similar to Jaskier’s, but they were way too pale, at least compared to the bard’s cornflower blue shade.

„Are you a Pankratz?”, asked the Witcher, his voice rough.

The boy only managed to nod with his head.

„Can you lead me to someone grown up?”.

The child was opening his mouth to answer, but at the same time an alarmed female voice could be heard from the inside of the residence. A second later a woman, probably in her thirties, stood on the threshold.

„Jacek, stand back from the stranger!”, she shouted.

„I don't come with bad intentions”, said Geralt, descending from the horse and slowly moving towards the woman.

She put her hands on her hips in a defiant gesture.

„Really? These two swords can be misleading”, she pointed out, her sarcasm so familiar to Jaskier’s.

„I use them only on monsters”, he assured her.

The woman narrowed her eyes.

„So what are you looking for in here?”, she asked.

„I’m looking for Jas... Julian Alfred Pankratz”.

Suddenly, the look of the woman's eyes hardened, her posture visibly tensed.

„There is no one with such a name”, her tone could make a person freeze. Geralt took it as the defense of the brother, because that was probably who the bard was for her. Although, Jaskier have never mentioned having a sister.

„I’m his...friend”, the Witcher claimed. „My name is Geralt of Rivia. Julian used to travel with me”.

The womam sighed angrily.

„I have no time for this charade”, she muttered. „I’ll take you to my father, he will tell you what he deems appropriate”.

Geralt nodded gratefully and followed the woman inside the residence. The Witcher was surprised by its harsh appearance. Heavy gray curtains blocked the light, enveloping the corridors it in the darkness. There were no decorations, no bright colors, nothing that would suggest that Jaskier put his hand on that. Finally, they reached the count's office. The women knocked softly to the door and quietly slipped inside. Geralt heard how she introduces him as „Julian’s monstrous companion”. He couldn’t blame her after what he did to her brother, though.

The door opened and she gave him a sign to come in, while leaving the room hastily.

Geralt found himself face to face with Jaskier's father.

He didn’t know what he expected, but it definitely wasn’t that. The man looked nothing like Jaskier. He was much shorter than the bard and had sharp facial features.

„You are that Witcher, whom I heard Julian follows around”, the man decided to skip the introductions.

„I am”, Geralt admitted. „I’m looking for him. We parted a while ago”.

The count frowned, then laughed.

„And why exactly are you looking for him in Lettenhove?”.

It was Geralt’s time to frown.

„It’s his home”, he stated dumbly.

„That ungrateful bastard is prohibited from coming to my lands. I assure you, if he ever showed up here, he'd end up in my deepest dungeon”.

The Witcher didn’t know how to react to that.

„But he is your son”, he pointed out.

„No. I claimed him to be, to prevent a scandal”, the count admitted. „But the brat disregarded me, didn’t want to to follow my will. I disowned him years ago”, he waved his hand in a dismissive way.

„You aren’t his father?”, for some reason this was what caughed the Witcher’s attention first. The man made a sound of indignation at that.

„Does that fool look anythink like me?”, Geralt wanted to answer that thankfully no, but decided to bite his tongue. „My wife has slept with some elf and that bastard is the result. I had to protect my status and reputation, so I generously recognized him as my own”.

The information about Jaskier having the elven blood shocked him. It wasn’t possible, after all his witcher senses would suggest him so... but then again, not all half-breeds had some special abilities. Jaskier did look young, especially considering that he claimed to be nearly forty. And there were actually a few times when people had mistaken him for an elf. The Witcher blamed it on human blindness, but it seemed he was the one being blind.

Not that the origin of Jaskier mattered to him. Though, at the second thought, the idea of the bard having a wider lifespan was bringing him a feeling of relief.

„You did that for yourself, not for him”, he grunted.

„He didn’t end up in orphanage thanks to me”, the man replied.

Geralt was starting to understand why Jaskier never talked about his family. The count was behaving like he made the bard great favor. The Witcher knew these kind of people. They were greedy and hateful, and were always using all possible facts and suggestions against you. Thinking about it deeper, the behavior of Jaskier’s sister also wasn’t a sign of protectiveness, but rather of disgust.

How many times Jaskier had to listen to people in here calling him a bastard or a stray?

He heard that probably all the time.

„I secured him a good future”, the count continued. „I raised him, gave him education, chosen a perfect candidate for a wife. He could really be my heir, but the brat threw all of that back in my face! He has never listened to me! You don’t even know how many times I had accidentaly broken his bones while trying to put something into that thick head of his!”.

Geralt’s blood run cold. He had to misheard that, because otherwise this encounter could turn into a true bloodshed.

„You abused your own son?!”, he roared.

„I told you he is not my son”, the man shrugged.

The Witcher was at his side in an instance, hands clenched on his expensive straitjacket.

„I should kill you”, he growled.

„Try that and you’ll have to face a dozen of my guards, you beast”, the count smirked.

Geralt gritted his teeth. He really wanted to slit this man's throat.

„Julian doesn’t deserve the viscount title. He shouldn’t even use it anymore”.

„He doesn’t”, the Witcher snarled. „He goes by Jaskier now”.

„Yes, yes. The traveling bard. How pathetic, even more when you get to see the monster he travels with”, the count laughed.

„I don’t care what you think of me”, stated Geralt, still clutching onto the man’s clothes. „You don’t deserve Jaskier. I don’t deserve him too. He is too good for any of us”.

„Aren’t you in love with him?”, the count giggled. „That would be even more pathetic”.

The Witcher threw him against the wall.

„I won’t waste my time for you”, he said. „Was Jaskier here or not?”.

„I didn’t see him after he decided to throw away his chances at being a respected nobleman in favor of singing dirty songs to drunkards in taverns. And that was over two decades ago. Frankly, I don't wish to ever see him again. To me he doesn't exist”.

Geralt cursed under his breath. He sent the man one more angry look and stormed out of the room. He heard the count shouting after him.

„Never come here again or I’ll have you killed!”.

The Witcher had no intention on ever coming back to Lettenhove. The place was disgusting. Now he understood Jaskier’s behavior. These people weren’t the bard’s family, they were his janitors at best and torturers at worst. The family should cheer for the bard's success, not disown him for following his heart.

Suddenly, he wanted to give Jaskier a true family. He could have been that family, somehow. Him and Ciri, maybe Yennefer too. She might have had a stone heart, but Geralt knew the bard managed to somehow melt into its inside. They would all support him no matter what.

The problem was, the damned Lettenhove was the last place on Geralt’s list. He truly had no idea where to look for his bard now.

The Witcher looked up at the sky. The heavy clouds were gathering. It suited his mood.

He steered Roach to the north. It looked like he won’t find Jaskier this year.

He didn’t want to focus on the small voice at the back of his head, which was telling him that he won’t find his bard at all.


	5. Kaer Morhen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we have finally reached the final chapter. I hope you'll like it :)

The heavy silence fell in the room. Geralt was looking down at his tankard of ale of questionable quality again. He stubbornly avoided Ciri's eyesight. He had never told anyone so openly how important Jaskier was to him.

„So, there’s no other place he might went to?”, she finally asked silently.

„I already told you I checked every place that came to my mind”, the Witcher sighed.

„Maybe there is no logic behind it. Maybe he went to some random place. You’ll find him sooer or later”, the girl tried to cheer him up.

„I doubt it”, Geralt muttered.

There was a silence in the room again. Geralt didn’t know how long there were sitting like that and brooding together, but atfer a while he heard the light but firm steps of someone who was approaching fast. Geralt wasn’t interested in the sound, ready to send to hell anyone who dares to disturb him.

„Has anyone died or Geralt just threw his usual self pity party and for some reason you decided to join it, Ciri?”, Yennefer stood on the threshold in all of her glory.

The Witcher had to admit she looked radiant and mysterious at the same time. Her jet-black hair neatly arranged in flowing waves emphasized her beauty, her purple eyes gleamed in the dim light. She was dressed in an elegant black dress that fitted her perfectly. Geralt hadn’t seen her in months, she left Kaer Morhen to sort some magical things even before he set off for his miserable search of his bard. Yet, he was in no mood to welcome her warmly. It seemed neither was Ciri, since she didn't jump out to hug her tightly like she had the habit of.

The witcher warned her with a quiet low snarl. Yennefer leaned against the doorframe, clearly unimpressed.

„Self pity party it is, then”, she answered her own question. „What is it about this time?”.

He chose to ignore her. Unfortunatelly, Ciri didn’t.

„Geralt was telling me about his friend”, she explained.

„Geralt doesn’t have friends, he says so himself”, Yennefer snorted.

„He has one!”, Ciri argued. „And he can sing!”.

„You were telling her about Jaskier?”, Yennefer raised her eyebrows. „I didn’t know you even remember the little lark”.

Geralt made a wry face. He really didn't like when people were calling the bard like that. Usually the nickname was followed by unrefined promises, which were ending up with someone using Jaskier again.

„I went looking for him”, Geralt admitted. Ciri would blurted it out anyway.

„You’ve seen Jaskier?”, the sorceress seemed clearly surprised. Geralt would have felt offended by her lack of faith in him actually caring about the bard, if he didn’t know she had the right to think so. „How did you even manage to find him?”, she looked like she was really interested to find that out.

„I didn’t!”, he snarled. „I spent the whole fucking year checking the places he could be hiding in. He's nowhere to be found”.

„Geralt thinks Jaskier is dead”, Ciri whispered.

Yennefer could have reacted to this news in at least a few different ways, but the Witcher hadn’t expected the reaction he got. The sorceress began to laugh. She was laughing so hard that she had to clutch her belly, tears welling up in her eyes. Geralt fell even gloomier now. He hunched over and stared at his ale.

„This is hilarious!”, Yennefer gasped between bursts of laughter. „You have finally decided to take your head out of your ass! I can’t wait to fill Jaskier in on your mourning party, I really hope he will write the most annoying song out of it!”.

Geralt gritted his teeth. He would probably lash out on her, if he suddenly didn't realise the meaning of her words.

„Wait”, he snapped his head, looking at the sorceress with wide eyes. „You know where he is?”.

„Of course I know”, Yennefer looks smugged, suddenly watching her nails nonchalantly. „Where do you think I come back from?”.

The Witcher had no idea how to react to that. His mind went blank. Yennefer was the last person he would suspect on keeping the tracks on Jaskier.

„You knew where he was all that damned time?”, he decided to clarify that.

„Not the whole time”, she waved her hand. „I run into him a year or so ago, when I was taking care of some Demawend’s business. At the same time he was doing some business for Vizimir and since our goals overlapped, we decided to work together. We still exchange information from time to time”, she shrugged.

Geralt frowned.

„What business for Vizimir?”, he asked.

Yennefer was clearly amused by this situation.

„Jaskier is a spy for Redanian Secret Service”, she stated.

„Jaskier is a what now?”, Geralt asked dumbly. That had to be a joke.

„Don’t worry, I was surprised as well. His mouth never shuts, so one would have thought he should be terrible at keeping secrets”, she started to explain. „It turns out in all of his babbling he is a master of omission. He throws so many information at you that you never suspect he skips the ones that really matters”, the sorceress sounded impressed.

Geralt had a sudden flash back to all the times he tried to get from the bard any information about his family and how the bard has discreetly toyed with the Witcher then. Geralt had to admit that Jaskier would have been a good spy. The question was, why would he took such a job. It was dangerous.

„Why is he spying?”.

„I don’t know. He gave me some gibberish about patriotism and the need to be useful”, she shrugged.

Geralt felt a strong pang at the words „being useful”. He had a pretty good idea who had sowed such a need in Jaskier’s mind. The Witcher reacted to the sudden guilt in the usual way. He lashed out on the person who stood the closest.

„Why the hell didn’t you inform me!”, he roared.

„It didn’t seem you care about him”, she put her hands on her hips. „Thus, I didn’t think you’d be interested”.

„Of course, I am!”, he snarled. „I was driving from place to place, worried sick that the idiot got himself killed!”.

„I didn’t know that”, she pointed out. „You only said you are going to check if it’s safe. Had I know you finally came to the conclusion that you actually need the bard in your life, I would have told you”.

Geralt grunted. He knew it was his fault. He didn’t have the right to put a blame on Yennefer. After all, putting blame for his mistakes on someone else was exactly what had caused this situation.

„Can you tell me where he is?”, he sighed. „I need to... apologize”.

That made Yennefer grinned widely.

„I have no idea, he was to run some errands”, when she saw Geralt’s grimace, she added. „But we are going to meet in two weeks in Tretogor”.

„I am coming with you”, it wasn’t even a question.

„No, you are staying here”, she objected. „The last thing I want is for Vizimir or other kings to find out about you and Ciri. I talk with Jaskier. If he wants to talk with you, I’ll bring him here”.

Geralt was opening his mouth to argue, but was cut off before he could make a sound.

„In the meantime, you”, she pointed a finger at him, „ are going to sit here and work on your apologizing speech”, then he turned on her heels and walked out of the room, leaving the stuned Witcher behind. Ciri giggled and run after her.

To say Geralt was confused was an understatement.

Over the next few weeks the Witcher’s confusion started to transform into a general nervousness. He couldn’t fina a place for himself, so he was roaming all around the keep. Ciri and Vesemir had enough of him already. Though, Ciri tried to calm him down, but never succeed. Every time she claimed that Jaskier surely will agree to meet him, he was finding a dozen of new reasons for the bard to refuse the meeting.

Today he was roaming in armory, trying to keep his mind blank, while cleaning the swords. He thought he was doing a fine job with that, until it was shattered by the voice behind him.

„So this is where you decided to hide”, he could tell Yennefer was smirking.

Geralt’s whole body tensed. The return of the sorceress could mean only two things. He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out which one is true, so he was hesitating to face Yennefer. That is, until the scent of chamomile and lavender broke through the scent of lilac and gooseberry. That made the Witcher turn around rather quickly.

He barely registered Yennefer’s presence, because Geralt’s eyes immediately focused on the man who stood behind her.

Jaskier changed, that was as clear as day. He was wearing clothes in the shades of gray Geralt had seen on Redanians before. The Witcher decided his usual bright doublets fit him much better. Jaskier’s hair has grown longer too, the man had them tied at the base of his neck now. Yet, they were in the same familiar shade of brown, which for some reason calmed the Witcher down a little bit. The fact that the bard had his lute slung over the shoulder brought even bigger relief.

Geralt’s yellow eyes found the cornflower blue ones.

„Jaskier”, his voice was hoarse due to overwhelming and unknown emotion mixing within him. Jaskier was alive and he was here.

„Geralt”, the bard nodded. The Witcher felt a sudden joy at hearing that voice. He thought he will never hear it again. „I was told you wanted to talk to me”, he said cautiously.

Yennefer looked at one, then at the other, shaking her head as she did so.

„I did my job, I’m out of here”, she announced. „Don’t kill each other”.

The sorceress walked out of the room, leaving them in an embarrassing silence. The men looked at each other uncertainly. It was probably the first time Jaskier didn’t greet him with an instant babbling. Finally, the Witcher decided he had enough.

„I’m sorry”, he said, which made Jaskier’s eyebrows shot up.

„Wha... what are you sorry for?”, the bard asked dumbly.

„For the mountain”, suddenly Geralt found the cracks on the floor very interesting. „For how I lashed out. And how I treated you even before”.

There was that heavy silence again. Jaskier looked stuned.

„Huh”, he finally spoke. „Is this what you wanted to talk about? Yennefer said you have some important matter to sort out”.

Geralt made an affirmative grunt. Then, decided to emphasize its meaning.

„It’s important”, he muttered.

That brought a wary smile to the bard’s lips.

„Is it?”, he asked, clearly waiting for Geralt to continue. The Witcher sighed. He knew it couldn’t be easy. He also knew he had only one chance at this.

„You are important... to me”, he started. „You are my friend. My only true friend. I was stupid to push you away. I missed you. A lot. I don’t want to miss you anymore”.

„Did you just said I am your friend?”, of course that was what has caught his attention.

The Witcher nodded, rolling his eyes.

„The very best friend in the whole wide world?”, the bard clearly wanted to push the limits. Geralt knew he had to humble himself.

„Yes, you are”, he admitted.

That brought already a very wide and bright smile to the bard’s lips. Despise of himself, Geralt smiled slightly too.

„Don’t think you’ll be forgiven that easily, Witcher”, Jaskier was indignant. Geralt face visibly fell at that. „You owe me a lot of stories. I want to hear them, with all the details. And you won’t complain. Those are my conditions”, the bard crossed his arms.

Jaskier eyes shone playfully, though, telling Geralt that everything would be fine. The Witcher decided to act on that.

„I have conditions too”, he announced.

Jaskier opened his mouth to protest.

„I want you to sing for Ciri... and me. I missed your... voice. And Ciri heard too much about you to let it go, anyway”.

The bard narrowed his eyes, suspiciously.

„Not a fillingless pile, then?”, he asked. Geralt closed his eyes and sighed heavily, already annoyed. He was surprised to find out he liked to be annoyed, but only by his bard.

„No, never”, he admitted.

„Then you have your concert, my friend!”, Jaskier smiled. „Lead the way!”, he started to head for the door. Geralt caught his arm and pulled him into a tight hug. The bard made a startled sound, but soon melted into the hug too.

„I really missed you”, the Witcher wanted to make sure Jaskier will get that. „I was worried you are dead. I was looking for you for months”, he added after a while.

„I’m all right”, the bard muttered into the Witcher’s shoulder. „And I missed you too”.

Geralt smiled. They stood like that in silence for a while.

„I don’t like the spying thing, though”, the Witcher decided to inform him.

„Eh, don’t worry. I didn’t like it much anyway”, Jaskier waved. „I would gladly exchange that job for, I don’t know, following some witcher around maybe?”.

„It’s a great coincidence, because I’m currently in need of a bard”.

They grinned at each other.

Looking at Jaskier right now made Geralt lose some invisible weight from his shoulders. He finally had all people he loved exactly where he wanted to have them. He decided he will never let any of them go ever again.


End file.
